Act Two

6

Halle in Saxony

Fritz von Berg. Patus (in shirt and trousers sitting at the table). Bollwerk (lying on the bed).Frau Blitzer.

Bollwerk: Three months in Halle and not spoken to a girl yet?

Fritz: After all, one must not forget there is someone at home.

Patus: Youve got a girl back there?

Bolwerk: Hic Rhodus, hic salta. The gent from insterburg seems to be forgetting his physiology. One doesnt want to sleep with a girl because one loves her; one loves her because one wants to sleep with her. Just you wait till the spring.

Patus: No girl! That must make you rather miserable. Youll have to move in here, thatll cheer you up. What are you doing at the Pastors? Thats no place for you.

Fritz: What do you pay here?

Patus: We pay... What do we pay, Bollwerk?

Bollwerk: Nothing.

Patus: Stright up, Brother, no idea. Blitz puts it all on yhe slate; rent, coffee, bakki, whatever we ask for, and then we pay the bill once a year when the grant arrives.

Fritz: You owe much now?

Patus: Paid up last week.

Bollwerk: His grant arrives.

Patus: SO will yours. One of these days, Brother Bollwerk.

Fritz: What, so you help each other out? What decent chaps.

Patus: 50/50. Couldnt afford it on my own. They really cleaned me out this time had to fork out my whole grant, right Bolwerk? And my jacket that I pawned last July is still on hock. God knows when Ill get it out again.

Fritz: So how do you manage?

Patus: Me? I go sick. This morning I was invited round by Councillor Hamsters wife: I instantly took to my bed.

Fritz: But sitting indoors all day with this lovely winter weather!

Bollwerk: So? He can read his favorite philosopher Immanuel Kant.

Fritz: What about his girl Not forgetting the physiology!

Bollwerk: With girls its not your jacket that counts, its your p.....

Patus: (Breaks in quickly) Head, Berg. Anyway I couldnt care less because weve lost touch.

Fritz: You have to adore her from afar?

Bollwerk: He dreams about her. Yhe bedsheets get the worst of it. I say to him: tell me whick one you dream about and Ill tell you which one you havent slept with. But we must entertain Insterberg. Sod it, wheres the coffe got to? (Stamps to his foot) Frau Blitzer! Oi, shitbags! Frau Blitzer. Have we paid or have we not paid?

Frau Blitzer comes in with coffee

What took you so long, Mother? Herr Patus has been waiting over an hour.

Frau Blitzer: (to Patus) What? You wothless lout, you shabby crumb! Whats the racket about? I am taking my coffee straight back downstairs.

Bollwerk: Biscuits!

Frau Blitzer: Arent any. Even if the bald, filthy runt does get biscuits to scoff every afternoon...

Bollwerk: Not him! Me! I need biscuits, You know my god cant take coffee without biscuits what are we paying good money for?

Frau Blitzer: (gives him biscuits from he apron pocket) And what do you call this? You know how to get round me with that voice of yours.

(To Fritz) Like a whole regiment of soldies.

(To Patus) Get those books off my table, theyre no good to you anyway. All those beautiful expesive books and you are stilltotally clueless. Well, is the coffe good? Is it? Quick, tell me, or Ill tear the las hair out of that bald head of your.

Patus: (Drinks) Incomparable Mmmmm Never drunk better in the whole of my life.

Frau Blitzer: You see, you son-of-a bitch. Wgere would you be without mother Blitzer to look after you and bring you foo and drink? Youd be starving to death on the streets. Just look at him, Herr von berg, o coat to his name and that dressing-gown looks as though hes strung up in it and then dropped from the gallows. Four years runnig hes flunked his philosophyexan. Why? Hes thick. You cant help feeling sorry for his mother and a widow too. And what with the widow and orphan allowance being cut on account of the war victory... You seem such a nice weel-bred gentleman, I dont know how you can hang around with the likes of him. Oh, I know that coming from the same part of the country is like belonging to a family ... Thats why I always say if only the Herr von Berg were to come and live here then there might be a chance that hed improve. Thats what I say...

She goes

Patus: he is a good soul really, you know, Berg..

Fritz: What is it you keep failing, Patus?

Patus: Our professor of philosophy is Professor Wolffen, who cant abide Herr Kant in Konisberg, and Im a Kant man.

Bollwerk: Herr Kant is a birwit. Listen to this (He takes the book) Upon the conclusion of peace after a war, it may not be amiss for the nation to follow the thanksgiving celebrations with a day of repetance; when they should ask gorgiveness in the name os the State for the grievous sin which manking persists in committing to use the barbaric instrument that is WAR And he expects a German university to swallow that

Fritz: Well, its not that far wrong.

Bollwerk: Totally wrong! Take the title. Eternal Peace. If we two stopped waging war with the Blitz for a single day her coffee would be pure barley. But tahts the sort of twaddle, care of Herr Kant of Konisberg, that our good friend here has been spewing out for 4 years running and Professor Wolffem fails him for it rightly so. Repeat after me: Herr Kant is a moron!

Fritz: Coudnt you pretend, just so you could pass?

Patus: (who has been carving in the table-top) Read what I have carved.

Fritz: NO

Patus: And this is my answer fot the fifth year if need be. And this no aplies equally to the whole german attitude of servility: these people are oly content when they are receveing orders as slavez, ata besta salves at war, when they can sacrifice themselves for some superleader.

Bollwerk: I call it Strenght of mind. You make my flash creep. Patus the Upright. Patus the Fearless!

Fritz: This coffee tastes of barley.

Bollwerk: What did you say? (he tastes) Yes it does! With the biscuit I didnt...(looks into the coffee pot) Go to hell. (Chucks coffee-pot out of the window) 500 guilders a year and all we get is barley coffee?! Even for Patus the Upright!

Patus: Bollwerk, you are raving, dear Bollwerk.

Frau Blitzer: (Rushs in) What is it? What the decils going on? (to Patus) Have you gone mad or has the devil entered you?

Patus: Quiet Mother! Ill pay for it.

Frau Blitzzer: (with a terrible scream) Where is my coffee-pot? Eh? You can go hang. What? Out of the wondow?...Ill gouge tour eyes out, I will.

Patus: There was a spider on it ans in my fear I trew it ... could I help it that the window was open?

Frau Blitzer: I wish youd choked to death on the spider! Even if I sold you, down to the last hair, you wouldnt fetch enough to pay for my coffee-set, you worthless dog. You do nothing but createhavoc and disaster. I will sue you. I will have you locked up.

Patus: Please, Frau Blitzer. It wont happen again, please, Frau Blitzer!

Frau Blitzer: And what about my table, you monster? No good hiding it, you cretin! Hes been carving. Something obscene no doubt... NO!

Patus: It refers to Immanuel Kant.

Frau Blitzer: In my table! Im going for the provost! Ill...

Bollwerk: Thats enough, Blitz! Toure frightening our Patus the Fearless. The coffee was incompetent. Now get lost, woman!

Frau Blitzer: (Intimidated) But thats really... thorwing my coffee-set out of the window into the snowdrift...

She goes

Patus: Theres no-one I fear like the old Blitz. You simply cannot reason with her.

Bollwerk: Where would you be without old Bollwerk, Id like to know. You´d be starving to death and paying for it.

Fritz: I would like to try my hand at a little philosophy.

Bollwerk: I can only hope the philosophy survives! Everywhere you go people are trying trheir hand for a feel! Now I shall get changed. This evening I am going to the teather, theyre doing Minna von Barhelm, I have a soft spot for actresses.

Fritz: Ill join you. Delightful play. I wish I could take my Goustchen.

Patus: Id like to see it if I had a coat. She called Gustchen? Id like to show you my julie. Now I really do need a coat.

Bollwerk: But you kavent got one. So I will show him your julie. She is the daughter oh teh lute-player Rehhaar. Thats how she gets free standing-room. Come, Berg. Just think of you physiology.

Act Two

Scene Eight

Privy Councillor Von Bergs Pleasure Garden

Privy Councillor von Berg. Pastor Lauffer. Lauffer.

COUNCILLOR: I do sympathize with him and all the more with you, Herr Pastor, but to intercede with my brother on behalf of your son No.

PASTOR: But just consider the facts: no more than 300 talers! 300 miserable talers and 400 were promised him by the Herr Major; by the end of the first 6 months he has only paid out 140; now, at the start of the second half year, as my sons workload increases by the day, he is quoting 200 as his yearly salary. This is contrary to all equitableness, begging your pardon.

COUNCILLOR: Why? What does a tutor do? Loaf around and get paid for it? Idle away the noblest hours of the day with the young master who has neither wish nor need to learn away, the rest hanging on the beck and call of the dear lady and watching out for the masters changes of mood; he has to eat when he is full, fast when he is hungry; he has to drink punch when he wants to piss and play cards when hes got the runs. Without freedom, life goes backwards. Freedom is mans element as water is to fish and the man who renounces his freedom poisons the noblest spirit of his blood, nips the sweetest pleasures of his life in the bud and kill himself.

PASTOR: But...If I may be permitted, all this is what a tutor must accept; none of us can do what we choose all the time and my son accepts this willingly, only

LAUFFER: Its all about the horse, gracious sir.

COUNCILLOR: So much the worse for him, if he puts up with it all, so much the worse for him. You didnt bring him up to be a servant, damn it, Herr Pastor. And what is he now but a low servant?

PASTOR: But Privy Councillor, Sir! For the love of God!

LAUFFER: The horse, father.

PASTOR: Youve got to have private tutors in Gods world.

COUNCILLOR: And I maintain you dont have to have private tutors in this world: the vermin are damned useless.

PASTOR: Privy Councillor, sir, I did not come here to be insulted by rude remarks; I myself, have also been a tutor. Good day to you.